


Return

by Morathi_Cain



Category: X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-23
Updated: 2011-10-23
Packaged: 2017-10-24 21:23:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/268034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morathi_Cain/pseuds/Morathi_Cain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Charles Xavier is back at the point, where it all started. And it's soon going to end, he's sure.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Return

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little OS about Charles's thoughts and feelings about Erik and their whole situation. It plays a few days before he dies like in the movies, bye Jean. Mostly about the past.  
> I got the idea while listening to the song "Return" from "Deine Lakaien". The song is in English, so make sure to listen to it ;)
> 
> I had a Beat and hope it's better now. Please tell me if not ;)

Return

 

The stars shine brightly in the sky, peaceful, unimpressed and pure. In the night the shore looks untouched, the sand white and holy. The sea is quiet, only small waves roll on the shore, caress the earth like a lover.  
Here, at this place, it happened. Here at this beach I got hit by a gun, got betrayed by Erik.  
It doesn’t matter how important this incident is, how big the mess was, how much blood tripped on the sand, how many people stamped through it, everything looks like no man ever came across it. 

Shaw’s ship was removed long ago, new trees have grown instead of the destroyed ones. Here, at this place, my life turned. Here I lost him. He, who has gotten so precious for me after only a few months. Erik.  
Now he is called Magneto and we both are old men, mere symbols than real living beings.   
My real name is long forgotten. No one calls me Charles anymore. All they know is Professor X. Only Erik and Raven know me, know my name and call me like that. Although it’s probably false to say they know me. We haven’t talked to each other for a long time, barely know us truly. But nonetheless of this, I still have the feeling to be connected to Erik in a special way.

He was the only one to crack my shell. He was the only one who could really surprise me after all, stood at my level, accepting me for the man I was. He didn’t accept my ideals, was sure they would turn out wrong. Only a long time after my accident I realized he didn’t want to prove me being wrong, but was afraid to be right. But it was too late. Now he was Magneto, following his destructing plans. 

Perhaps now he really wants to prove me being wrong. But it doesn’t matter what he does, I will never lose my faith in the people around me. We’ve gotten so far, why can’t he see this?  
I love him so much I can’t bear it. But nonetheless, I will never give up my ideals! The only point he proves is that I am right. People can change, it’s not necessary to hide all the time. It isn’t like it was during World War II and the future is still open and unknown.

But we won’t survive it, will we, Erik? Like the water wiped out our footprints, some day no one will know about the real us anymore. We’re no longer ordinary men, but a symbol. The cause for people to fight. And we’re getting old. I have lost all hair and yours is white, wrinkles are all over our faces. We should step aside to let the younger ones take over, change the world for us. But we can’t, right? We’re bound to this till the bitter end.

I’d love to call out for you one last time. Just to see if you’re still there, if you’ll answer me, hear me. I haven’t tried for a long time, too afraid. Of my own feelings, his feelings, the silence or an answer. Who knows? I gave up thinking about it also, a long time ago.

My thoughts wander back in time, back to the months together with him, preparing to catch Erik, searching for new mutants. Back to this one day at the beach. I remember everything clearly. The feeling of the coin going through Shaw’s head, through my head, the feeling of getting hit by the bullet, caught by Erik, as soon as I touched the ground, falling. I wish it had been like this forever. Him catching me when I was falling. I didn’t want to drive him away, just couldn’t lie to him about our motives. But he felt betrayed, the ache showing in his gaze, him leaving was the only way for him to handle my reaction. I thought it had to be so. I thought I couldn’t have done anything to prevent it, so I sent Raven with him. Perhaps I hoped they would come back to me someday.

Today I know better. I should have told him, I still love him. I should have told Raven to stay. It hurt to see her leave, as much as it hurt with Erik. He never said goodbye to me properly. Perhaps he also hoped we would come back together one day? Or was he too hurt, too much out of his mind at this moment?  
Whatever it was, it happened and we can’t go back in time. I’d love to. I would never give up my way of handling situations and my faith in humans and mutants, but I’d try to discuss it with Erik. How much could we have achieved already, if he wouldn’t have fought against each other?

My thoughts drive away, aiming for unreachable places. Why did I come back here? To this beach? With my wheelchair? Somehow I have the feeling something big will happen during the next few days. Danger is boiling up, more than ever. Jean is lost and Scott is going to search for her tomorrow. The kids are fighting against each other and Erik won’t let me rest in peace. My mind is always full with thoughts about him.  
So I have the feeling this will be my last chance to see this place. Perhaps it’s going back to the point it all started in the end.

I feel light, although this place depresses me so much. This battle will be over soon. It was a fight that has lasted for too long and it’s time to end it. I just hope my kids will be alright. But they are strong, they have their own minds and they are many.

I just wonder. Will Erik hear me, when I cry out a last time? Will he catch me again, when I fall?  
Will he, even if we are enemies?

_____________

A few days later Charles is ripped into pieces by Jean in front of Erik. It hurts and Charles has never felt as helpless before in his entire life. But then he hears Erik shouting. He’s calling him, crying his name against the storm, full of desperation not to let him die.   
Erik still wears his helmet, but this moment it’s as if nothing ever stood between them. Charles can hear Erik’s feelings, as if he’s calling them out. Just by shouting “Charles” he tells him about his love, about his regret, his hope and that his faith in Charles did never waver.

Charles isn’t able to look back, held back by Jean and her anger. He’s no longer trying to persuade her to let him go. Perhaps his death will take her back to usual. Or perhaps all the people around the house will, loving her so much.  
He isn’t able to look back, but he has nothing to regret. Perhaps Erik will not hear him through his helmet, but he’s positive the message will be transferred, somehow.  
“Don’t forget me. Keep me in your heart. I’ll always be with you. I love you, Erik.”

Charles isn’t able to look back, but against all forces he starts smiling before he’s ripped.

End


End file.
